Well technically it’s Day 103. But whose counting (j/k, I am). So here I am, with 103+ songs under my belt since mid-February (more like 150 because some days I write 2 or 3)…and they are sloppy and repetitive and grandiose and small and lovely and quiet as heck and annoying in their sameness perhaps. I don’t know. It’s not for me to decide. This whole experiment is helping me see that all the ways I fear being judged are simply all the ways I judge myself. And honestly, that kind of judgement is so borrrrrrrring.
So this process is liberating, and useful, and special, and private, and profound, and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to blast out of a routine, or break out of their own self-constructed fears.
Step 1 – pick something you want to do, anything. Like for me, it’s always music, and usually original music, aka songwriting. That’s my go-to, #1 love.
Step 2 – do it every day for a year. Or 30 days. Or 90 days. Or whatever, pick something.
Step 3 – publicly share it, or share about the experience in a blog or something. Or in an email group. Or private FB group. Or with your grandma.
That’s it. Couldn’t recommend it more. It is making me – forcing me – to come to terms with my own self-installed delusions. Usually grown in fear, due to some very forgivable and understandable reason like a trauma (big or small) in my past. Simple ones we all share, like being made fun of in 6th grade, have been ruling my life into my 30s! And I suspect will continue to, in alternating ways on alternating days.
And that’s okay.
But I’m glad as heck to be here, to be doing something, saying something, feeling something, sharing something. I realize how often I want to be forthcoming and vulnerable, and how often I instead shut down, edit, don’t push post, share, send. And it’s so exhausting, holding back so much in such a way, every day or week.
Letting energy flow is helping me see where I am just living in fantasy (i.e. I love travel but only once in awhile, OR there’s things I say I really want to do but in reality if I really wanted to do them I’d be doing them…far more often… it’s not laziness that holds me back, it’s thinking my path in a particular field needs to look the same as someone else’s, and that if it doesn’t there’s “something wrong with me”).
I hope I can stay this “in touch” after this challenge is over… if not, maybe I’ll just do another one. That’s an interesting dream – maybe I could be the Bob Ross of Songwriting / Writer’s Block. I could show you “happy little songs” (or sad) and give you a little inspiration to create. Or maybe Mister Rogers is a better example. I don’t know… these are my heroes. I don’t know if there’s a need for that, and I don’t know what it would look like, but hey, I am learning I’m probably not a travel-around-in-an-RV-9-months-a-year-in-a-successful-band type of musician-as-businesswoman… I love those people and am deeply grateful for them for creating a cool scene, but I think I might be too floaty like a cloud to delude myself into thinking that’s what I wish for, when I really wanna go in parks and forests and make little ukulele songs in my car and share feelings and new songs every day (instead of the same 11-15 songs every night for a whole tour)… I guess I just don’t see a role model for this kind of constant creating + exploring as a songwriter, but if one is out there let me know please 🙂
Okay that was meandering. Feeling whimsical and dreamy and thought I’d share where I’m really at.
But also here’s some shows!
June 9th – GR – Jamnesty 2017 – Wealthy Theatre Annex 7pm
June 24th – GR – DAAC – 333 Rumsey St 7pm
I had hoped to travel to Madison and Minneapolis this summer, but it’s looking like I’ll probably be saving $$ instead and focusing on local house shows (we just did our first one, in our own home, as “cloudlight” for the ep release AND as JiTR, with 5 other amazing bands/musicians – Fiona Dickinson, Brian Mulder, JOE, Chef Goldblum, Maddie Jackson – and it was an absolutely enchanting experience…stay tuned for more 🙂
Love and hugs xo